Why Is Finding a Mother of the Bride Dress So Hard?

Can we talk about Mother’s dresses?

Because after 45 years in this business, and after shopping for dresses for my own children’s wedding, I can tell you something:

FINDING THE MOTHER OF THE BRIDE OR MOTHER OF THE GROOM DRESS CAN SOMETIMES FEEL HARDER THAN FINDING THE WEDDING DRESS.

There, I said it.

A bride walks in looking for one thing, a wedding dress she loves.

A mother walks in with a committee living inside her head.

Is it appropriate? Does the bride like the color? Is it too young? Too old? Too fitted? Too Conservative? Too glamorous? Not glamorous enough?

And then we get to the arms.

Oh my goodness, the arms.

Ladies, apparently none of us like our arms.

If I had a dollar for every woman who walked into Formally Yours and told me she hated her arms, I might be retired by now.

And clearly, I am not.

The funny thing is, I understand all of this because I haven’t just helped mothers through this experience at Formally Yours. I’ve lived it myself. And every time one of my children got married, I learned something new.

With my first daughter’s wedding, I actually saw my dress at one of my designer’s showrooms. I fell in love with it immediately. I knew I had to have it.

So, I ordered it, thinking I had plenty of time.

Well…

The dress took longer than anticipated, and suddenly I was watching the calendar and starting to freak out. I knew I still needed time for alterations, and that comfortable cushion of time I thought I had was disappearing quickly.

Thankfully, the dress arrived. I was thrilled. We got it altered. It was fabulous.

And then came the reception.

We had a band, and we danced and danced and danced. By the end of the night, I looked like I had jumped into a swimming pool.

I had never really considered how thick and heavy the fabric and lining of that dress were. It was beautiful, but after hours of dancing, I was HOT. The pictures from the end of the night are actually quite comical. I look a

little droopy.

Beginning of the night? Fabulous.

End of the night? Not quite as fabulous.

LESSON NUMBER ONE: Don’t just think about how the dress looks. Think about how you’re going to live/dance/entertain in it.

You are going to be in the dress for hours. And hopefully you will be on that dance floor.

Then, my son got married, and I became the mother of the groom.

Traditionally, the mother of the bride chooses her dress first, and she did. Her dress was lovely, and she chose a beautiful color.

But, I had something in my head.

Green.

I love green. I had worn green to my first daughter’s wedding, and I wanted to wear green again.

So I searched. And searched. And searched.

Here I am, the owner of a dress store, and I was having trouble finding my own dress.

I was also running out of time. AGAIN.

Eventually, I found it. Green. I loved it. Very conservative in the front with a very low back. You know, business in the front, party in the back, lol.

It was fabulous.

But that experience taught me something too. By deciding ahead of time that my dress HAD to be green, I had dramatically narrowed my choices before I even started.

And that brings me to something I tell mothers all the time now: GIVE YOURSELF TIME, AND DON’T PIGEONHOLE YOURSELF.

A color palette is helpful. One exact color can make your search much harder.

By the time the third wedding came along, you’d think I would have had this figured out.

I wanted green again.

I actually ordered a green dress. Everyone loved it. My daughters told me how fabulous it looked.

There was only one problem.

I WASN’T FEELING IT.

And that’s important.

Everyone else can tell you that you look beautiful, but you’re the one who has to put the dress on and feel like yourself.

So this time, I did something different.

I opened my mind.

I stopped deciding what my dress was supposed to look like, and allowed myself to try something unexpected.

And there it was.

A beautiful royal blue chiffon dress.

It was a very graceful and elegant chiffon dress, and very reminiscent of Princess Kate

That was it.

And, maybe that was my biggest lesson of all, TRY ON THE UNEXPECTED.

Don’t pigeonhole yourself, and don’t let anyone else pigeonhole you either. Not even the bride. Have open discussions with her about how you are feeling.

Be respectful of the wedding and the bride’s wishes, of course, but give yourself enough freedom to discover what actually makes you feel beautiful.

Because being appropriate does not mean being invisible.

You are allowed to be fashionable. You are allowed to be glamorous. You are even allowed to feel a little sexy.

And no, you’re not going to upstage the bride.

She is standing there in a wedding gown with a veil, bouquet, bridal hair and makeup, and everyone waiting for her to walk down the aisle.

Trust me.

SHE IS GOING TO LOOK LIKE THE BRIDE.

You can look fabulous too.

And please, have some fun with this.

Almost every woman who walks into a dressing room has something she’s nervous about. Her arms. Her stomach. Her hips. Her back. There is always something.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

You don’t need to suddenly love every inch of your body before you’re allowed to enjoy shopping for your dress. You need to work with people you trust, people who know how to look at you and think, What can I put on this lady that’s going to make her feel incredible?

Start shopping early. Give yourself plenty of time. And when you find the dress, DON’T BE AFRAID TO SAY YES.

If you feel beautiful, the bride loves it, it works for the wedding, and you feel like yourself, why spend another four months trying to beat a dress you already love?

Say yes. Find the shoes. Get the alterations done. Pick the jewelry.

And then, stop worrying about the dress, and go enjoy this incredible moment in your life.

Your child is getting married!

Laugh. Try things on. Dance in the dressing room. Try the color you swore you’d never wear. And for goodness’ sake, stop worrying about your arms.

MOM, IT’S OKAY TO BE FABULOUS.

Formally Yours, Cathy